Awareness

Dear Brother,

Awareness is key. 

As I have been thinking of all that helped me in my quest to overcome pornography, I realize that an awareness of my thoughts, emotions, surroundings, use of time, relationships, and pretty much everything else can impact your desire to look at pornography. Of course there must be appropriate action taken once you begin to be aware of the problem, but that is a letter for a later day.

The most common word we in the addiction world use for awareness is ‘trigger.’ You may be very familiar already with this word. If you are not, I encourage you to become well acquainted with it because your recognition of and reaction to your triggers will deeply impact your progress in recovery.

How do we become aware of our triggers? Begin by backtracking. Though painful as it may be, think about the last time you acted out. What were the conditions, emotions, thoughts, etc. that caused you to act out? Remember that acting out is not an isolated, spur of the moment action. There was something that got the ball rolling initially. It is crucial that you identify what it was if you are to learn to avoid it the next time.  

Was it something you saw? An inappropriate billboard? An immodest person? Something you saw on TV?

How about something you heard? A suggestive song on the radio? Inappropriate joke? 

What were you feeling at the time when you decided to act out? Boredom? Loneliness? Anger? Stress? Tired? Shame? Don’t just stop once you have identified the emotion, dig deeper. What caused that emotion? Why did you feel that way? Was your stress a result of problems at work or with your significant other? Do you feel bored at certain times of the day when nothing is going on? 

Forgive me for throwing so many questions at you, but it is imperative you understand you nearly perfectly. You must begin to recognize what it is that causes you to want to act out this way.  I know that developing self-awareness was a vital behavior that lead to my own change. When I realized that stress was a key trigger, I realized that I either needed to find ways to avoid stressful situations (not likely to happen completely) or else find more productive ways to relieve it when I started to feel stress.  I also recognized that traveling a certain way home from work would take me past a certain billboard that would trigger inappropriate thoughts. Once I became aware of that, I was then able to change my route home. King Benjamin was speaking to us when he said to "watch yourselves, and your words, and your deeds...even until the end of your lives" or else we "must perish." (Mosiah 4:30) Have we not have perished a little spiritually each time we have acted out? Have not our relationships with those we trusted perished a little each time we have given in? Learning to watch our thoughts, our deeds, our emotions, our surroundings, etc. is crucial if we desire to perish no more.

Examine your life. See and learn as much as you can about yourself and you will begin to utilize one of the most vital behaviors you need to heal. Brother, "remember [to be aware], and perish not."

Sincerely,